found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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