My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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