gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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