I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dear god my vagina.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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