whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
