He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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