I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
