got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
