So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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