Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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