I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
