He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You don't make any sense
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