He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
