"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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