You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
