First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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