you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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