My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
