i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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