Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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