So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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