Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
