They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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