I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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