Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
