what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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