Apparently you make a good broom.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize