I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can tuck mytits in my pants
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
