my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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