i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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