dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
