this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
