I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
His nipple licking is glorious
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