Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
