something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
