Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize