I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
