If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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