ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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