How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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