I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
