Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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