The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
