whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
