I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
