I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
