so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
