my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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