the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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