the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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