I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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