she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
