I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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