We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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