If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
