I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
