it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
