census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
