Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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