so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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