no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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