I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
