Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize