Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This baby is an asshole
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
