Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
