sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
