You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
