how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
