I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
