Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
