my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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